


jealousy and other green-eyed monsters

by HolisticFangirl



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Bisexual Todd Brotzman, Brotzly - Freeform, Coming Out, First Kiss, Fluffiness, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Getting Together, I apologize in advance, M/M, Overuse of italics, todd is jealous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-08
Updated: 2018-11-08
Packaged: 2019-08-20 01:08:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16545896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HolisticFangirl/pseuds/HolisticFangirl
Summary: “Uh, yes, Todd. You-- you have very blue eyes. Great detecting.”-Todd gets jealous and ends up coming to a realization.





	jealousy and other green-eyed monsters

“Todd,” Farah whispers to him from across the table, “stop  _ glaring.” _

“I’m not glaring,” Todd mutters, hunching his shoulders from where he’s curled in the corner of the booth. He doesn’t take his eyes off of Dirk-- Dirk, who’s standing at the counter of the small café while the barista pouring his tea is  _ openly flirting with him. _

“You are  _ so  _ glaring,” Tina remarks, popping a breadstick into her mouth. Todd decides to ignore her, though, because her opinion doesn’t really count; she’ll agree with anything Farah says anyway, and that makes her biased.

Todd scowls towards the bar counter. Dirk’s been there for, like,  _ five minutes  _ already. How long does it take for a barista to pour four drinks? And two of those four drinks were just plain black coffees!

That barista should be  _ fired.  _ It does  _ not  _ take that long to pour  _ four  _ drinks.

Dirk’s talking to him animatedly, gesturing wildly with his hands like he always does when he’s excited. The barista seems nothing short of amused; his stupid muscular arms are crossed over his stupid broad chest and he has blond hair and green eyes and the most chiseled jawline Todd has ever seen.

He can’t compete with that.

But it’s not like he  _ wants  _ to compete with that because it’s not like he  _ likes  _ Dirk. He’s just feeling all…  _ frustrated  _ because the barista doesn’t deserve to be graced with Dirk’s radiant smiles or his endearing enthusiasm or the way his eyes glow when he’s happy or-- 

The point is, Dirk’s  _ way  _ too good for that barista. He’s too good for  _ everyone,  _ really, and Todd  _ knows  _ that. He does.

Sometimes, though, he wishes that  _ he  _ could be deserving of Dirk. 

_ That  _ thought, however, is immediately stopped in Todd’s brain because it always leads to a spiral of wishing and wanting and  _ hoping  _ for something that he  _ just can’t have.  _

Finally,  _ finally,  _ the barista sets four glass mugs down on a black plastic tray. Dirk reaches out to take the tray, but the barista just shakes his head good-naturedly and says something that looks an awful lot like,  _ “No, no, I’ll get that for you.” _

Goddamned barista.

And then Dirk and the barista are walking towards their booth and Todd kind of wants to disappear into thin air, because the barista is  _ so tall.  _ Even taller than Dirk, and Dirk is one of the tallest people Todd knows.

It should be illegal to be that tall. It really should.

They reach the table and Dirk grins at Todd-- grins in that  _ way  _ of his that makes Todd’s heart thump painfully in his chest. He slides into the bench and Todd relaxes slightly at the familiar feeling of Dirk’s shoulder pressed against his own. He has the sudden urge to wrap his arms around Dirk’s middle and bury his face into Dirk’s bright yellow jacket, but he doesn’t because that would be  _ weird _ .

“Here are your drinks,” the barista announces cheerfully, setting the tray down on the table next to the breadstick basket.

“Thank you, Oliver,” Dirk beams up at him. “We really appreciate it.”

Farah and Tina also murmur their thank-yous, but Todd stays stubbornly and sullenly silent.

His name is  _ Oliver. _

That’s disgusting.

“Um, so,” Oliver says, fidgeting slightly. He’s still looking at Dirk. His green eyes are  _ really  _ green. Too green, and it makes Todd uncomfortable. “Um,” Oliver says again, rubbing the back of his neck with a hand. He actually looks  _ nervous,  _ which is weird, because Todd’s pegged him as one of those guys who just  _ oozes  _ charm and doesn’t get nervous about  _ anything. _ “Dirk, are you-- do you think that um, Saturday? Uh. At night. We could-- we could go and-- there’s this movie--”

Todd’s heart plummets so fast that he thinks he might have a paribulitius attack, right here and now in the middle of this practically empty cafe. Because is Oliver  _ asking Dirk out?  _ They had talked for  _ literally  _ less than ten minutes!

Then again, Todd kind of understands Oliver’s motives. Dirk’s the kind of guy that you don’t come across twice.

He hates Oliver for beating him to it.

Farah and Tina look kind of shocked-- almost as shocked as Todd feels.  _ This can’t be happening. _

He tries to swallow past the sudden lump in his throat, blinking against the stinging in his eyes. He’s a terrible person. A terrible,  _ terrible  _ person because he’s Dirk’s  _ best friend,  _ and he’s supposed to be  _ supporting  _ Dirk in getting a date. He’s supposed to be Dirk’s… wingman, or something like that.

But he  _ likes  _ Dirk.

Todd almost stops breathing. He  _ likes  _ Dirk. He likes him a  _ lot,  _ and he can’t-- he can’t--

_ I’m too late,  _ Todd thinks miserably. Maybe this is his punishment for being an asshole for the majority of his life. Maybe he’ll have to just sit back and  _ watch  _ as Dirk gets himself a boyfriend.

Todd clenches his fists and tries his best to resign himself to his fate. And then--

“I’m sorry,” Dirk says, kind of softly. “I-- I have plans, actually.”

The silence at the table becomes all-consuming, and Todd isn’t sure what’s happening exactly because… did Dirk just… did he just  _ reject  _ The Hot Barista?

And the relief that crashes onto him is like a tsunami and he can  _ breathe  _ again, he can breathe and life is good and it’s like an enormous weight has been lifted off his chest.

Oliver stutters out a “yeah, sorry, of course,” and then he scurries off behind the counter to finally do what he’s getting paid to do.

When he leaves, Farah keeps glancing between Dirk and Todd like she’s watching a ping-pong match, her dark eyes darting across them suspiciously. Tina, on the other hand, looks like she’s trying to hide a smirk.

The blonde stands suddenly, nearly knocking over her hot chocolate. “Farah and I are going to the women’s room to make out or something,” she announces.

Farah raises her eyebrows. “We are?” she asks, looking mildly surprised. Tina gives her a very meaningful look and Farah shrugs. “Okay then.”

They get up from the booth and leave, heading towards the opposite end of the cafe, where the bathrooms are.

Todd stares at his coffee. “So,” he manages, after a long,  _ long  _ moment. “Oliver, huh?”

Dirk gulps audibly. Todd wonders if Dirk’s looking at him, but he’s too much of a coward to glance up and see for himself.

“I’m gay,” Dirk says, a bit too loudly.

Todd blinks. “Oh.”

That’s… he actually kind of suspected for a long while now, but he’s never really asked Dirk about it. That’s why the whole flirting-with-the-barista thing had been more… anger-inducing than surprising. He’s always kind of figured that Dirk’s into guys, but  _ hearing  _ it is… different.

It kind of makes Todd feel like he might have a chance.

“That… bothers you, doesn’t it?” Dirk asks quietly, in a voice so small that Todd almost doesn’t hear him.

His head snaps up. “What?”

He meets Dirk’s gaze, and Dirk-- Dirk’s gorgeous eyes are filled with something that looks like  _ guilt.  _ “You… you looked angry, before. When I-- when I was talking to Oliver, so I figured--”

“Oh my  _ God,  _ Dirk,  _ no,”  _ Todd blurts, feeling like an asshole. “I--  _ no.  _ That wasn’t why-- just…  _ no.  _ I--  _ of course  _ it doesn’t bother me. You’re my best friend, and I-- I mean-- I’m bisexual, so.”

Todd… did not mean to say that. He really didn’t. Did he just… did that count as stealing Dirk’s coming-out? Was that a jerk move? It probably was. Because though Todd isn’t closeted, he knows he doesn’t exactly advertise his sexuality. So does that mean he had just stolen Dirk’s coming-out with his  _ own  _ coming-out?

He’s a terrible friend.

“Oh,” Dirk says lamely, but his eyes are brighter now. “Oh, yes, that’s-- good. That’s, um. Very good. Good on you, Todd.”

Todd manages to stifle a hysterical laugh. “So… why did you say no to the barista?”

Dirk snorts. “He is  _ not  _ my type.”

Todd finds himself grinning, just a little. He knocks Dirk’s shoulder lightly with his own. “What  _ is  _ your type, then?” he asks teasingly, because Dirk just came out to him and that’s kind of a big deal, right? So he can totally manage to be supportive and talk about hot guys with his best friend. That’s what best friends  _ do. _

At least, he  _ thinks  _ that’s what they do. At this point, Todd isn’t really sure what he’s trying to accomplish anymore. The revelation of  _ he likes Dirk  _ has left him reeling.

“He’s too tall, for one,” Dirk says slowly, and Todd snorts. He couldn’t agree more. “And…” Dirk continues. There’s a faint blush decorating his cheekbones and it’s very alluring. Todd’s finding it extremely hard not to stare. “I-- I have a preference of blue-eyed men, not green-eyed ones.”

He says this with a haughty sniff, but Todd can see that his hands are shaking a little.

Blue-eyed…

_ “I _ have blue eyes,” Todd says dumbly, and then he wants to  _ die.  _ He wants the ground to open and suck him into a black hole that he will  _ never  _ escape from,  _ ever,  _ because why in the  _ world  _ did he just say that?  _ Why?  _ What was he  _ thinking,  _ and Dirk wasn’t-- Dirk hadn’t been talking about  _ him!  _ He hates himself. He  _ hates  _ himself, and his face is  _ burning  _ and Todd  _ wants to die. _

Dirk’s eyes have gone very wide. “Yes,” he says, in a voice about two octaves higher than his normal one. “Uh, yes, Todd. You-- you have very blue eyes. Great detecting.”

Wait.

_ Waitwaitwaitwaitwait. _

Something like hope sparks in Todd’s stupid, traitorous, racing heart. He feels like Dirk’s hinting at  _ something,  _ but he isn’t  _ positive,  _ and he really,  _ really  _ doesn’t know what to do about it.

God, he’s a  _ coward. _

If Amanda were here, she’d tell him to man up and just  _ ask  _ Dirk, and she’d tell him to stop pining like an  _ idiot,  _ and--

“I love you.”

Dirk startles at the words, and Todd is honestly more utterly dumbfounded than he is. Did he just… did he just  _ say  _ that? Did he just  _ actually admit  _ that--

_ I love you. _

Okay.  _ Okay.  _ Todd can… he can deal with this. He was really trying to go for something not as…  _ enormous  _ as love-- maybe something like, “Hey, Dirk, I like you, do you want to date?” But it’s only after saying it that Todd realizes just how true it is. Because he  _ does  _ love Dirk-- he actually freaking  _ loves  _ him, and the realization is terrifying and relieving at the same time. His chest is aching, heart throbbing and now he’s really scared. He’s really, _ really  _ scared, but there’s not much to do about it now. Not much to do except for wait and see how Dirk reacts.

Todd can only watch, kind of helplessly, as Dirk swallows.

He’s screwed everything up. There are actual  _ spots  _ dancing at the edges of his vision, and Todd almost laughs. How absolutely  _ absurd  _ would it be if he just passed out, face-first into his scalding coffee?

_ Please,  _ he begs into his head,  _ please please please please please-- _

He doesn’t even know what he’s asking for.

And then Dirk is leaning forward on the bench and the world is getting kind of blurry and--

Their lips brush. 

Adrenaline surges through Todd’s veins as Dirk pulls him closer, holds him tighter, threads his hands into Todd’s hair. Todd feels himself melt against Dirk’s chest, gripping his shoulders and tangling their legs together beneath the table. He’s  _ burning,  _ nerves on  _ fire _ , and then Dirk makes this  _ sound  _ and oh,  _ okay  _ then--

They break apart, foreheads still touching. Todd’s eyes flutter open first (when did he even close them?) and he watches Dirk’s face, wanting to memorize the way Dirk’s lips are still parted, his eyelashes casting long shadows across his cheekbones.

“Todd,” Dirk breathes, and Todd can feel his exhale on his lips, sending shivers up his spine.

“Was that okay?” Todd asks quietly, voice coming out more gravelly than he expected it to.

“Yes,” Dirk nods, and he opens his eyes. They’re shining. “I-- I love you, Todd Brotzman.”

Todd’s chest gets tight, making it almost hard to breathe. God, he  _ loves  _ Dirk Gently and Dirk Gently  _ loves him back. _

They lean forward to kiss again, more chastely this time, and Todd finds he doesn’t really hate Oliver The Barista anymore.


End file.
